Intertwined Thoughts of a Certified Loony Toon

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My heart is super slowly crumbling…damnit, I remember why I hate being single sometimes now.

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Oh, Irony, how I loathe you.

When I finally find a guy that seems semi decent…I go and fuck it all up by myself.

…For once, I’m the asshole, awesome.

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I need to take a step back…just breathe…before I’m completely sucked into this dangerous vortex that is you….

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WARNING…MENIAL PONDERINGS AHEAD:

So thus here I lay in seemingly a strangers’ bed; I mean, when you consider the amount of time that’s passed since I’ve met him…he qualifies as stranger status, yes? Hmmm. I think I’m getting Tym-type vibes where I just wanna take things super slow…and maybe not hang out with him as much as I have been? I almost feel like it’s dangerous for us to hang out this much…though he’s the one that’s initiated most of the time.

We haven’t done anything so I, at the very least, applaud myself for that. - I need to get on his “single” level of thinking. Not that I wasn’t in the beginning, I was all over wracking in as much boys as possible for shits and gigs, but of course when I come across someone like him…where did that mentality go?

It *POOFED* into thin air. Goddamn brain. Thanks a lot.

And of course, this one guy that I start to develop feelings for…he’s recently single to and therefore definiteeelyyyyy not someone that I should be having feelings for at all. WHERE’S MY HEART OF STONE AND ICE, DAMNIT?!

I have this insane urge to run away and get as far away from him as possible; he’s not gonna cause me anything but trouble, I feel like, but I guess we can only wait and see, right? …The urge is strong though.

On another note:

Pretty sure Derek and I are done friendship and relationship wise, even though we agreed we wanted to stay friends. We haven’t spoken almost at all; mostly, that is my fault, but now its’ pretty clear. I can’t say I’m upset by it…and I definitely wonder at times how he’s doing…and I miss his family, but I’m thankful it ended well…as compared to how badly it could’ve gone.

I do miss him sometimes, but it was all for the best.

Basically, all I gotta do is suck it up and act like a single man in order to survive in this single world…and especially when dealing with a guy like the one I’m talking about. Wish me luckkk.

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So…

…as per usual when I’m single, I have now rediscovered the actual hanging out with/dating guys is a difficult, frustrating process. Also, I seem to have noticed a pattern of attracting either flaky guys or guys that are ridiculously busy and at the peak point in their lives where they’re about to complete one chapter (i.e. graduate college or finish grad school) and start another.

…Which puts me at an awkward position because I am neither finishing a chapter or starting a new one. I’m smack dab right in the middle of mine currently.

Females always go through these shitty guy phases and then decide to swear off guys…in which, for the most part, the swearing off doesn’t actually occur, and they keep to the same cycles because let’s face it, it’s fun to flirt. ;)

However, I am at a time in my life where my priorities need to be school and work; less partying and less, stressful boy distractions.

So am I following that familiar female path of swearing off guys if what is supposed to happen today, does not happen.

Wish me luck…random tumblr pplz that probably don’t read my posts. :D

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